I have, let’s be frank, spent much of my life hoping for Mister Right to come striding through my front door to sweep me off my feet. Don’t get me wrong–just because I’ve hoped for him doesn’t mean I’ve believed he was likely to show up. But that hasn’t stopped me as a gay man from yearning for him. And I’m not the only human with such yearnings. Since the 1980s, in my work as a professional intuitional consultant, queries concerning “soul mates”have appeared again and again.
Many clients are embarrassed to ask about love matters. They usually leave such queries for last, and pose them almost apologetically, even offhandedly, not wishing to appear too needy. “I suppose I may as well ask about my love life,” they say, or, “I guess everybody asks you this, right?” Well, yes. Everybody does. So stop being embarrassed. There are no stupid questions. (Actually, there is one stupid question: “Hey, Rand! Did you know that weight loss will improve your chances of attracting potential partners?” “Really? OMG! That never, ever, ever occurred to me! Thank you!”).
Underlying love questions is usually the hope, if not the belief, that there is somebody out there who is ideally suited to me, somebody I am fated to meet some day when I am truly ready. But what do I mean by “ideally suited”? Always sexually compatible? Always emotionally supportive? Always financially generous? Always intellectually stimulating? Always available for companionship activities? Always spiritually aware?
What I usually mean by “someone ideally suited to me” is “Someone who is wholly delightful to me at all times while being wholly supportive of me even at my worst.”
Now presumably, if such a person were my Mister Right, than I would be his. But can I honestly believe that I am capable of being wholly delightful and supportive to a soul mate at all times—even at my worst? I think not. Why? Because over the years I’ve neglected my own needs repeatedly, at times even going out of my way to hurt myself.
Even more importantly, fantasies of the perfect soul mate can blind me from recognizing the potential real-life partners I may encounter– flawed partners whose wounds, damages, limitations, and difficulties have not erased their genuine goodness, lovingkindness, and strength.
So enough with my addiction to the perfect lover meme. To paraphrase a Buddhist saying: When next you meet Mister Right on the road, kill him.
Rand Lee: Psychic Consultant Services 